"I'll see you in the morning, Mommy..." my three-year-old daughter said as I prepared to leave for Los Angeles the day before my surgery. It was those words that inspired me to write this next entry. Saying Goodbye to my husband and the kids before the surgery was difficult.
Although Dr. Kelly had only had one person out of 500 surgeries that had died due to pituitary surgery, there was a chance that something could go awry. I knew I needed to prepare for the worse. My husband and I decided to leave our kids with my in-laws while we went to stay overnight near the hospital. When it was time to leave, I sat with each of my kids individually and talked with them just in case it was the last time we saw each other. I wanted to assure them that "if God decided to take Mommy to heaven" or if I didn't come home right away, they needed to try to accept it. My older two kids understood as best as I think they could have, but when it came time to talk with my youngest daughter, she replied she'd "see me in the morning." Nothing I said could help her understand that in the morning I would not be here...and I wasn't sure when or if I'd be back.
Here is an excerpt from a letter I left for Dave in case he came back to Texas without me:
"I feel kind of silly writing a letter in case I don't make it out of surgery, but I would hate to go and be with the Lord and not have any final words to say. Since on this side of the operation it is difficult to know what the outcome will be, I hope this will be a letter we can laugh about and toss in the trash when we get back from California. But if that doesn't happen . . . I wanted to tell you goodbye one more time.All of this tumor stuff has caused me reflect seriously about my past and the changes in my life that have occurred since you and I met and married. This month is the anniversary as to when I became a Christian, August 2, 1992. I would have never thought I'd be confronted with death at such a young age. I thank God he changed my life when he did. God has given me full and complete joy through our marriage, your love, and in raising the children. These truly have been the happiest days of my life...It's an awkward feeling to know that I might leave this life at such a busy time. If it were up to me, I'd stick around. I've got some unfinished work to do! But God's plans are not always what we expect and I hope, in time, you will accept this...I am praying for you now, that God would help you through this time should it turn out to have a tragic ending. Remember, there are no goodbye's in Christ."
Thankfully my husband didn't have to read his letter alone afterall.
