The night before my brain (pituitary) tumor was removed, my husband and I went to dinner alone at our old-time favorite restaurant, the Market Broiler, in Riverside. Then, after a quick stop at my parent's house to kiss them goodbye, Dave and I left for UCLA. We reserved a room to stay at near the UCLA Medical Center campus. Since my surgery was first in the morning, we thought it would be easier to be close by and not deal with the traffic.
It was a long night. Dave and I tried to sleep but couldn't and didn't. We watched the clock count down every minute. I took a shower, trying to calm my nerves. The light against the stark white bathroom walls was unnerving. I kept thinking about God and wondered what my life would be like in 24 hours...what the outcome of the surgery would be. I thought about my kids. I missed them...I prayed, I cried, and I prayed some more. I was scared. Dave was too. After I got out of the shower, I lay in bed waiting for the alarm to go off, reminding me I needed to leave for the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital and went through the routine paperwork. I had to give a copy of my living will. Dave and I had our wills written about two months before the discovery of the tumor. Good thing I planned ahead...I had no idea I'd be using mine so soon. After everything was completed I waited to be called to the operating room. Dave and I were led to the waiting room, where a handful of other people awaited their call to surgery too. One couple I distinctly remember was a last-minute God-send for me. Their little boy was about to have a serious operation. Their son reminded me of my children, who were heavy on my mind. I wondered if I'd be around to watch them grow up. The mother looked nervous as she took her son to her knee and began to read him a story. Observing their interaction, I continued to think about my kids. I started crying as the weight of everything sunk in deeper. The woman noticed and struck up a friendly conversation with Dave and me. She was a Christian and talked about how she knew everything with her son's surgery was in God's hands. Honestly, I can't even remember what more we talked about, but her words were so assuring and kind that I immediately felt okay again. I was reminded that I was in God's hands. In a moment of utter distress, it's amazing how the kind actions of a stranger can impact you.
Shortly after this, I was called back to dress for the operation. The nurse offered some medicine to help take the edge off my nerves while inserting the IV. I accepted the offer because I NEEDED it! Before I drifted off, I told Dave that if I didn't make it out of the operation, I wanted him to tell the family hi for me and read, Just in Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado to the kids. I fell asleep before I could utter the words, "I love you..."
I woke up briefly when entering the operation room. The doctors and nurses were talking to me; I don't remember what they were saying. I quickly passed out again as the operating tools and gadgets were being prepared.
